Many of my colleagues discuss the topic of conflict within the Board term and context of  ‘conflict resolution.’ I prefer the term ‘conflict management.’ Why? Because I see conflict as a constant is our lives, whether it is internal intrapsychic conflict, interpersonal conflict, intraorganizational conflict, or any variant of these. It is ubiquitous!

Before I  jump to recommendations on how to manage conflict, let me state that these recommendations are all based on certain values and principles that guide our consulting and coaching practice. I will write more on these core values shortly.  I credit both Roger Schwarz and Chris Arygris for these guiding principles and values.

Many of these recommendations were initially organized and discussed by my friend and colleague, Ben Dattner.

1.  BE AS HONEST AS POSSIBLE ABOUT WHAT IS AT STAKE FOR YOU AND THE CONFLICTED PARTIES.

If you feel you are not being totally honest with yourself, you probably aren’t. Can someone actually be totally impartial when a situation involves conflict? Only with lots of practice and feedback from others. Adopting this objectivity may be difficult, but in order to move forward and take positive action, there’s often no other choice.

2.  BE OPEN ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND INTERESTS, AND ASK OTHERS INVOLVED WHAT THEIR NEEDS AND INTERESTS ARE.

Needs and interests are so critical to all of us yet sometimes in the midst of conflict or dilemmas we defensively only focus on our own.

3.  DON’T BE DISINGENUOUS OR TRY TO BLUFF THE OTHER PARTY.

I see this tactic as a lose lose situation. If one loses their credibility by being dishonest or disingenuous one can never really regain it. Probing and inquiring with the other party is the way to go.

4.  LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO FIND WIN-WIN SOLUTIONS.

If you kept focused on needs and interests, your own and others, you will be able to find these solutions.

More on this topic next week.